Attack of the Stargeeks
by lollygal
Summary: After an accident with a television set, three friends find themselves within A NEW HOPE, and an inescapably predictable plot line. rating went up, because of language and... well, just us being teenagers. read, enjoy, REVIEW
1. Chapter 1

**AN:** ok, this is insane, and I'm not quite sure why I did this, but enjoy anyway. I'd like to thank Paul, Saint Jimmy, and all who I promised a cameo later on for helping me out on this. For those who are reading this now, please review. Those who give detailed remarks are especially welcome. Well, enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** you know the drill. I don't own Star Wars, and despite all efforts I don't own my friends.

**Chapter One: The Vortex**

Paul hit the TV in frustration, and then tried the tape again. It was no use; the TV once again presented a flurry of white fuzz. Lynn, who had been watching Paul and shamelessly laughing, leaned forward. "You know," She commented, "Violence probably won't help anything." Paul grunted, and hit the TV again, which sent Lynn into another bout of laughter.

At that moment, Saint Jimmy came in, holding a bowl of popcorn. "Is it fixed yet?" he asked, and Paul shook his head in reply. Lynn finally stopped laughing, and then looked at the TV thoughtfully. "Does the DVD player work?" she asked Paul. Paul turned around, and looked at the DVD player. "Well, it looks fine." He said, "But I don't have any DVDs." Lynn shrugged, then opened up the backpack she had brought with her, and took out three DVDs. Paul rolled his eyes. "Of course you would bring Star Wars." He said. "Star Wars isn't that bad." Saint Jimmy said. Lynn wholeheartedly agreed. "Fine. We'll watch it then. Paul said, then put A New Hope in the player.

Despite Paul's complaints, they all liked Star Wars, at a little bit, and it seemed to be a good choice. They were watching the imperials abduct the Tantive IV, when Lynn spoke up. "You know, for being the best shots in the galaxy, stormtroopers miss an awful lot." Paul and saint Jimmy laughed. "You would think they could at least shoot C-3PO." Paul said, "He's a big metal thing." Saint Jimmy nodded, and said, "Their armor sucks, too. Wouldn't you think that armor would block the blaster fire? Instead, they're down in one shot." That got Lynn laughing, and they all started giggling uncontrollably and bashing stormtroopers.

Meanwhile, the TV had started flickering. Paul stopped laughing. "Not again!" he exclaimed. Lynn started furiously hitting the TV set. "Now who's violent?" Paul said. "But it's Star Wars!" Lynn replied, and continued to beat the machine. Suddenly, the picture cut off altogether, and replaced by a swirling vortex. Lynn stopped hitting the TV set. "That can't be good." She said. As if on cue, and it probably was, the vortex got bigger, and stood there swirling where the television used to be. The three friends just stared at it. Saint Jimmy got over the shock first. "Hey! My hand's in another dimension." He said, placing his arm in the vortex. He took it out. "Now it's not." He said, and repeated this a few times. "Oh, stop it, Jimmy." Paul said, but got closer himself. "Don't worry it's perfectly fine." Saint Jimmy said, sticking his hand in the vortex again, "Now it's in a different dimension, now… oh no." Paul looked at Saint Jimmy in alarm. "What?" he said. Before Saint Jimmy could answer, there was a large noise, and the three felt the vortex start to suck in air, much like a vacuum cleaner. "Shoot." Lynn said, trying to grab hold of anything. The only thing she managed to get was her backpack, which came with her as she and her two friends were sucked into the vortex.

Shortly after, they found themselves on solid ground. "Where are we?" asked Paul. Saint Jimmy looked around. "Well, since we got sucked inside the TV, I think we somehow got transported into Star Wars." Paul laughed in disbelief. "There is absolutely no logic in that." He said. "He's right." Lynn said, after she had taken in her surroundings, "Except its much worse then just that." Paul got up and brushed himself off. "So you know where we are?" he asked. Lynn nodded a bit, and then locked eyes with him. "We're on Alderaan." She said.


	2. escape from Alderaan

**Dedication:** First of all, I'm thanking Paul, who helped me edit this, and thought up most of the funny jokes. ThenI'll thank Saint Jimmy, because he's awesome.Also, a shout out to Mr. P, my history teacher, who I managed to put in here without breaking his anonymity.

**AN:** well, here's chapter two. Hope you like it. For further notice, we got tired of writing Saint Jimmy all the time, so he is occasionally referred to as S.J., or just Jimmy. Well, enjoy, and REVIEW!

**Ch. 2 - Escape from Alderaan**

"Alderaan?" Saint Jimmy asked. Lynn nodded, slightly nervous. However, Paul was not as calm, panting in front of a giant metropolis background.

"Alderaan?" he exclaimed, "Of all the planets in the galaxy, we had to land on the one that EXPLODES!"

Lynn turned around and shushed Paul loudly. "I don't think it would be wise to panic the locals." she said, "Let's just find a way off the planet."

Paul grumbled, but stopped shouting about it. Instead, he turned to Saint Jimmy, and asked "You just had to stick your hand into another dimension, didn't you?"

Saint Jimmy faced Paul and cried "Don't blame me; you were banging on the television set!"

"Why didn't you fix the TV?"

"I was making popcorn!"

"Popcorn? That's not important!"

"How can you have a movie without popcorn? It wouldn't be right!"

"You can watch a movie perfectly without popcorn! Plus, Lynn was the one who hit it last!"

"Hey! Slow down," Lynn said, "don't drag me into all this."

"What do you mean? You're already in all this!" Both boys replied.

Lynn was sitting on the grass and looked at the back pack that had come through with them. Saint Jimmy broke off the argument and looked at her.

"Is there anything we can use to get off this planet?"

Lynn shook her head. "All I have is a satellite phone and a bag of popcorn."

Paul groaned, "Popcorn? That's just great."

Lynn couldn't help but laugh...and laugh...and laugh.

(15 minutes later...)

"Are you done yet?" S.J. asked.

"Yeah." she replied.

Jimmy looked over Lynn's shoulder and saw Imperial soldiers strolling around from behind a building. "What are storm troopers doing here?"

Lynn turned around. "Well," She said, "Alderaan is technically part of the Empire, so they are probably guards. Still, we don't want them to find us."

"Why?" S.J. asked, "They might help us off this forsaken rock."

Lynn got up and shook her head. "They'd probably just throw us into jail. Best get out of here." she waited for a moment. "Does anyone have any ideas?"

Paul shrugged, but Saint Jimmy developed a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"I've always wanted to do _this_." he said.

Jimmy ran up towards to the nearest trooper and yelled "Hey! Look! It's the secret Rebel Base!"

'Wait,' Paul thought, 'Storm troopers can't possibly be that dumb, right?'

"What? Where?" The pair of troopers asked, frantically searching their surroundings.

S.J. twisted one of the Storm trooper's helmets around, snapping the man's neck, then grabbed his blaster and shot the other one.

'I never thought they'd fall for that.' Lynn thought.

All three friends grabbed whatever blaster or pistol they could find. Lynn inspected one of the trooper's armor and found an I.D. card. Afterwards, they quickly ran for cover in one of the nearby hangars.

The I.D. card proved useful in opening the unnecessarily slow and ominously big door in front of them.

"Man, one day, they'd better make these doors go faster." Jimmy complained as they walked in. "By the way, which one of you knows how to fly a plane?"

Paul and Lynn looked at each other, then both quickly raised their hands.

"Ok, only one of you gets to fly this baby." S.J. said as he pointed his thumb at a TIE fighter. "You'll have to do rock-paper-scissors, just like in Mr. P's class."

"What! Why?" Paul shouted.

"It's only fair." Jimmy said.

"Alright, I'll do it."

Paul and Lynn faced each other and started shaking fists, until Lynn came up with a rock to defeat Paul's scissors.

"What! I got beat by a girl? This isn't right! Tell me this isn't so Jimmy!"

Saint Jimmy just stared at him and shook his head.

"Paul, just act graciously in defeat... even if it was to a girl!" he said laughing.

Within microseconds, we see our heroes (in particular, these two boys) on the ground with giant, swollen wounds all over their heads, and Lynn standing on top of them with a huge hammer, smirking with triumph.

"Now what have I told you about that?" she asked.

The boys grumbled as they got up and made their way to the fighter.

Later:

"Does anyone know what these buttons do?" Jimmy asked as they were flying around in Alderaan's atmosphere.

"NO! Don't touch that!" Lynn exclaimed as Saint Jimmy was motioning towards the EJECT button. "It says EJECT in big, bright, bold letter! Think about it!"

"Hey, if we could just hack into the Imperial Hotline, I'm sure we could find out where the Death Star is." Paul said matter-of-factly. Jimmy stared at him awkwardly.

"Why would we go from one exploding place to another?" he asked. Lynn rolled her eyes. "Where else would we go? Besides, we don't have much fuel as it is." she replied back.

"Oh. Right." Jimmy said, "Well, we don't have a computer, so I guess we can't find it anyway."

"Oh, yeah, right, and what does that make me? A piece of cybernetic garbage? You stupid Fraggot!" said a disembodied voice.

"Wait, wha?" Jimmy asked. "Who said that?"

"Oh, c'mon Paul, I'm sure you'd be able to tell your favorite no-crap hip-hop A.I. is with you...and your good for nothing laptop from Cal-Tech." Came the same invisible, New-Yorker voice.

"Loki, shut up." Paul said, as he whipped out a laptop from his back.

"Wait, guys, how come you're the one's who can just conjure everything out of thin air while I can't?" Jimmy inquired.

"Well, Lynn's hammer has a foldable stock and keeps it in her knapsack, and I always have my comp attached to my back." Paul explained.

"What? With duct-tape?" Lynn asked sarcastically.

"Noooo...I always have a sort of holding device like a backpack strapped on, only a bit smaller. It makes for carrying small devices easier."

"And while you bums are busy cat scratching each other, I'd suggest you look at that big planet looking thing up ahead." Loki said.

"Nah, that's not a planet, it's a small moon." Jimmy said.

"Huh? Heck no, that's not a moon, that the Death Star!" Lynn said, "Seriously, do you guys even watch Star Wars?"

"Yes." Loki replied, but his answer was drowned by Paul and Jimmy's succession of 'no's and 'not really's.

"Just get us out of here, Lynn!" Jimmy cried.

Unfortunately, it was too late. The Death Star's strong gravitational pull had drawn them in with no hope of getting out.

"What are you waiting for? Pull us out!" Paul cried frantically.

"There's nothing I can do. The gravitational pull is too great. All I can do is put this thing on auto-pilot and hope that we don't crash." Lynn replied.

"Um, guys, I think you should look at this." S.J. said in a cowering tone.

The three teens looked outside of a view port and saw the planet Alderaan explode in a magnificent plume of colors.

"Man, glad we weren't on it." Loki said.

The fighter continued to fly all the way into a hangar, chalked full of Imperial soldiers,

whence one of the kids simply said "Oh man, we are sooooo totally screwed."


End file.
